Artist’s Journal: NUMBER 78
A Look At My Self
For an artist there is only one thing:
to sacrifice everything to art. He must
regard life as a means, nothing else,
and the first person he dismisses is himself…
How do I explain my process? In the beginning there nothing. Only a blank canvas. If creation is the child of destruction, then my first mark is the destroyer of the nothingness of the blank surface in front of me. Placing that first mark is a random act. A leap of faith. A shot in the dark.
The spontaneous gesture is defined only by its placement. It is alone in its universe. Its position, color and size are meaningless. It is the second mark that is the most difficult of all to execute. It now determines contrast. It is the creator mark. Once it is given life, it is either in competition or, in harmony with the first mark – the destroyer.
The second mark will either be in alignment with, in proximity with or in contrast to the first mark. Together they begin to destroy the blank nothingness of an unblemished surface in order to create. Who am I in all this? Where am I in all this? I am the medium, the guide and the conscious of these marks and those to follow.
We are inseparable. Together, we create with no specific or defined objective. There is no reason, no purpose; except to continually solve the visual/math problem that we are confronted with AND the addition of every mark that follows.
Music is Mathematics heard. Art is Mathematics seen. The balance and harmony of Mathematical principle is what solves these visual/math problems. With no preconceived direction: I am I. A filter, a conduit; a host. I am nothing without them. As they are nothing without me.
We create it; the painting or drawing. It is what it becomes. And, it becomes what it is. There are no boundaries only greater visual/mathematical challenges. Without the constraints of what I like, what I think; what I feel.
There is no consciousness of fact. There are no consequences of preconception. It becomes; and it evolves with each viewer’s gaze and consciousness. It is either something – stimulating thought or emotion – or, it is nothing and of no consequence. What am I looking at? asks the viewer. I don’t know what you see say I because I don’t know how you look at things.
Who am I in all this? Where am I in all this? I am a painter of nothing. What I paint is subjective. Subjectivity exists in the mind of an individual. It is about equivalencies. It may be a personal or shared experience. Subjectivity is associated more with the thinking (subjective as relating to the properties of color, shape or composition). Objectivity seeing (looking at an object) as a specific and distinguishable thing – a likeness.